Last Day

If today were to be last day of one's life, what would one do? We have plans for the future. Those would become irrelevant.

Two thoughts come to mind. One is a thought of dejection and disappointment. Perhaps this thought would be a manifestation of our will to continue living. One would be looking forward to time spent with friends and loved ones, to participating in a particular activity, or to continue working toward one's long term goals. One would have to forsake the activity with which one preoccupies themselves in life, or the hedonistic high one encounters when in love or becoming addicted to a video game.

The second is a sense of relief. The former would perhaps be more strongly felt by one repenting for their sins or atoning for what they have failed to do. When one suffers, one does not enjoy the suffering, particularly if it is prolonged.

Third is that of calm acceptance--when one has neither an attachment to nor a revulsion towards the pleasures of life. Though I am not sure about this, I feel that the mind is most balanced in this third state, when one views life merely as a transient experience to the soul. Feeling dejection is suboptimal because it reflects an attachment and associations one has developed to ephemeral qualities of life--associations that are not guaranteed, nor should be expected or depended upon to persist. Relief is suboptimal because enduring suffering is necessary, and if one values wishes to escape from life over living, their life is unstable.

An unrelated observation about myself is the desire to not hold myself accountable to the goals I set for myself, though at the conscious level, I realize that accountability is important.