Impulsivity and Bursts of Excited Emotion

 In this section, I’d like to discuss a bit about the nature of short bursts of excited motivation. To explain, I’ve often encountered stretches of few days at a time, where I feel very motivated to complete  a task, make a change to my lifestyle, or, more generally, work towards a goal. Through this section, I hope to provide a few examples of when this has occurred to me, my thoughts on such periods on the larger meaning of life, and the causes/impacts of these periods of excited motivation.

The feeling that occupies me during these periods that I have termed as “bursts of excited motivation” can be best described as a feeling of ecstatic enthusiasm, akin to a celebratory or congratulatory sense of achievement. I perhaps this is an instance of my brain “beginning with the end in mind,” as is one of the 7 effective habits. I’m always looking forward to something in my day, and my mood generally remains high.

I’m not sure about the extent to which the causes of such a state can be explained physiologically, or as a consequence of some actions that led up to this feeling of intense feeling. It is not pure joy or unbridled excitement, but rather a focused, disciplinary, but deeply motivating drive within me that feels like it gets unlocked.

An example of when I encountered this feeling was when I began my habit of daily running. Taking the initiative of going out to run was something that was quite new to me, as I had rarely stepped out of the house myself with the purpose of fulfilling a daily goal. Yet, when I began running, I felt within myself a deep urge, if not sense of responsibility, to attend to this goal of improving my running that I had set for myself. The YouTubers that I had watches had given me a further sense of motivation to work towards such goals.

One consequence of this motivation that feels so attractive is its tendency to lead to the achievement of remarkable goals, whether they be the establishment of good habits, removal of bad habits/vices, transformation in body/mind/ability, or a transformed outlook on life. It is akin to a feeling of embarking on an adventure to an exotic land all by oneself, or in the attic of an old mansion—and what’s more, it is precisely an adventure, just within one’s mind. Perhaps this excited feeling of adventure is what pushed me to set habits and break records which I am proud of, such as running every day for 42 days when first starting. It further excites me that I have been living in the same house, and same neighborhood since birth, but it was only then that I had decided to make use of it.

Such a thought further pushes my mind to imagine what other untouched adventures and unexplored nooks and crannies that I could take advantage of. I’ve encountered a similar feeling when reorganizing my room and adding embellishments. I tell you, after rearranging the furniture in my room: desk on one wall, piano on the other, bookshelf next to the desk, bed on the other, though it doesn’t cost a lot of effort, the mere action of reorganizing is tremendously rewarding because it feels that I am living in another room, just as if I were in a hotel in some faraway land.

Now that it has been almost a year since spring 2020, I find myself thinking back to the plethora of new experiences, and lifestyle rearrangements I encountered during quarantine season. When COVID-19 began, I had stopped going outside the house, and it had been 3 months before I stepped out of the front door (but only to go out to the garage from the front :p). Since my running had stopped, I began biking,  and put my old punching bag to use by doing daily kickboxing drills. I made my lifestyle more organized come April 1, by beginning to write down my worktime and work tasks in a daily journal. Late summer 2020, I began practicing the piano again, got back into chess, and am continuing my exercise and journaling.

But the biggest new experience I’d say I had this year (comparable to beginning my university education) is starting a group and working together with teammates on a solution we are passionate about. The process of working in a company we started (though without registering), in preparing and practicing for pitch decks, coding up prototypes, making demo videos, setting up a website and email, engaging in active outreach, participating in pitch competitions/conferences, and applying to various programs and opportunities, and the potential outcomes and directions it held felt limitless. Having adhered to the group and having worked with my teammates, and further bonded and improving my communication/social skills, it thus makes me excited and proud to have worked with the team to arrange pilots and give presentations to city officials, school superintendents, that are received pleasantly, and to have the chance to make our work useful to others.

Overall, the presence of such bursts in my life has been the source of several joys, goals, hours of dedication, and proud moments. Yet, it is important for me to express my gratitude for such occasions, as I know that they are limited, and unpredictable, though I feel that I can take actions that make them more likely.