Conscience

 What even is conscience? I feel this presence within my head that opposes the impulsive, rash, and pleasure-seeking part of my brain that is always looking for new adventures. The conscience is not a very fun type of person when life feels fine and free of calamities, but boy when calamity strikes, it is then when I remember this conscience guy the most.

Let me give an example of what I mean. Today, like all other days, I set forth goals for myself--things that I would do today. Today wasn’t an ordinary day, since I spent the majority of the day preparing for my Computer Science final exam, which just finished this evening. Now, I had told myself that I would spend today preparing for that, since I was pretty anxious, and eager to perform well on the exam, so as to boost my final grade.

But, during the afternoon, my focus was diverted, and I felt this impulsive side of my brain deterring me from continuing with the boring aspect of studying, which I had been doing for the past couple of days. Even though I know that it was an important action to take, one that could save me of potential future misery that resulted from the guilt of overlooking concepts that I might not have if I had studied, I still didn’t want to study--I wanted to do fun things, such as playing chess and watching YouTube videos.

The outcome of this story is not especially peculiar or exciting--I finished the exam, and felt relieved once it was over. On this exam, I feel that I did well, and am confident that the answers fulfilled what the question asked of them, and am eager to receive the results (I wouldn’t be surprised that even though I checked and rechecked my work, that I overlooked a tiny detail in the code, an omission that could cost me a significant part of the grade as it did in the past on one particular project).

When it comes to the discussion related to what is the best action to take, I feel that following my consciousness is best. I feel that I’m not only repeating this old adage expressed in Pinnoccio, but am also sharing what I feel that I have learned to be true. When I procrastinate, deviate from my goals, or engage in distracting behavior that is sometimes destroys my ability to meet my day’s goals, I almost inevitably feel a sense of regret and wrongdoing--for not listening to the consciousness which I know to be the source of longlasting satisfaction and comfort.

Secondly, when I do follow my consciousness, and stay on-track to fulfill my day’s goals, including productivity goals, or completing certain tasks and chores, I not only feel a sense of satisfaction, but also receive the feeling of pride in my accomplishments, when I look back after achieving a milestone.

For example, as part of the Konect group I’m in, we’ve been trying for several months to get the word of our product out, and share to counties, cities, and schools, who we are, what we’ve made, and how we see the tool helping others. In fact, since July, we’ve been phoning people and setting up meetings.

Lately, we’ve gotten a couple of successful meetings, and have the chance to engage in a pilot and develop our application for a school in Texas. Such an outcome filled me with a feeling of accomplishment because it was a definitive resolution (though not the resolution, which possibly is yet to come) to the persistent effort we’ve been making.

Consciousness and the drive to continue making phone calls, sending emails, and introducing ourselves to others set us up with the habits that eventually led to our success by our team’s CEO. Had I entirely succumbed to the difficulty and drab manner of making phone calls, perhaps we would have strayed from the path of reaching out and making introductions that led us to success.

Lastly, I want to relate the idea of partial success and partial failure, as it connects to consciousness, and the nature of accomplishments. For example, the fact that we’ve obtained the pilot is definitely an accomplishment, but even I am uncertain about whether it would go through, and what other news and resolutions would come our way. Additionally, to suggest that the beginning of the pilot process is the and the only resolution to our efforts would be, in my opinion, oversimplification.

I realize that even within a day, we have ups and downs, minor victories, and minor setbacks that serve as a form of constant feedback to us. If we’re rewarded by someone familiar on the street while we go out to run, or are reprimanded for failing to keep up with important disciplinary chores/actions such as daily/periodic showering, these serve as indications as to the importance of following through with our personal goals, whether they be pleasant or not.