Flattery

 I think that flattery can be best defined as a statement made by someone, perhaps ingenuinely, with the intention of raising an individual’s self-esteem and make that individual seem more respected. The act of flattery, polite and friendly as it seems, does not have a beneficial effect upon the other person’s character, when offered in excess. Further, it seems that flattery is not always made in the interest of the person being flattered.

I was flattered today, when playing against a friend in a game of chess. My chess skills were complemented. My friend remarked something along the lines of, “It’s really interesting to hear what Ravit was thinking when he played the game” and mentioned how I had “destroyed” him in the games we played. This, naturally, made me feel happy, and gave me a sense of pride in the way I played.

I’ll now share an instance when I was flattered, an environment where I believe the flattery did not have a beneficial impact on my character. This environment took place in my math class during 10th grade, and the individual who flattered me was my table partner. Now, whether or not she was hoping to act in my self interest and expressed her thoughts out of sincerity, and whether there was a somewhat forced and perhaps even slightly malevolent or vengeful intention behind the flattery is still unclear to me; however, I feel confident in discussing the impact such flattery had upon me.

The flattery came in the form of expression of admiration of my math scores, and perhaps admirable traits such as tendency not to procrastinate. The flattery, at least superficially, felt good. It made me happy to be respected and admired by my partner, whom I admired and felt a keen sense of attraction towards. But even then, I desired myself to be rid of the denigrating effects such flattery had on my self-image, humility, drive, sense of gratefulness, and hard work.

The compound effects of such flattery include, in varying degrees of effect, an increased self-image and a slight preoccupation with the idea that I was exceptionally performing at math, an impaired ability to respect and admire my peers, on account of the inflation in my mind of such an advantage, and the removal of my performance from my internal locus of control. It wasn’t that I performed well at math—it was that I was good at math. Such a perception would be, I feel, highly damaging to my character, because it would inevitably partially blind me to my belief in hard work and effort to achieve my goals.

While such flattery was outside my control, I definitely learned from it, and have formed the opinions I do now, which now discourage me from entering a similar scenario again. Had I been in the same situation then, knowing what I know now, I would have perhaps explained my situation to my partner, asked her to do me a favor by not flattering me so, and by being more cautious to not harm my character and ego, a wish that I believe would have been granted.