Ravit's Blog

Today, I had my first driving lesson. Within the span of 2 hours, I started the engine of the car in the driver's seat for the first time on my own and also drove up to 45 mph. Steering felt strangely familiar, but I was shocked by how sensitive the gas pedal is. I learned that when it comes to acceleration, driving a car is nothing like riding a bike. Steering and braking have their similarities. The gas pedal is so sensitive that a minor accidental depression can lead to a sudden jerky . Most of all, while driving I was surprised by how easy it must be for someone to crash a car if they wanted to. Lampposts, curbs, walls, other cars. So many things around that one can ram the car into. The car only stays in its lane if the driver guides it so. I don't know why I find that so surprising. Perhaps sitting in the passenger seat beside or behind a responsible driver for so many years has made me feel as though it's very difficult for one to make a car go anywhere it's not ...

I'm having writer's block right now, meaning that I am failing to generate any worthwhile topics for discussion in this blog post. Hmmm. I wish I had Spiderman's powers. Why is this an immature thing to wish for? Swinging through a city would be a thrilling experience no doubt. Sometimes I daydream about being Spiderman. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared my blog with my college counselor. Thankfully, no one reads this blog post. Not even my parents. Recently, they asked me why I don't write blog posts anymore, which is odd, since I do still write blog posts. Maybe even they don't believe that I could still be writing. The only unlikely scenario in which I envision my blog blowing up is if I become a high-profile criminal or if I write something racist. Then people would be very interested in what I have to say. Especially lawyers. What's that you say? Ohhh, don't pity me. I'll be just fine. Self-pity leads one down a road to destruction. Hey! Look! Let...

I've been having a thought lately regarding what my proper attitude towards work ought to be. I thought I would express it here. When I think of my long-term goals, I have faith that they might be pretty lofty. If I work hard, I believe that I can be accepted into and study at a reputed institution or get a good job. And I start to fantasize about how great my life would be if I actually did work hard and reach that goal. I think to myself (in the voice I imagine an old English lady might use while sipping on her tea) "Why, how lovely that would be!" But then I think about how low I am right now compared to where I want to be. Then I am shrouded by a feeling of worry and insecurity. If I continue to be surrounded in this feeling, a part of myself is disheartened and wishes to say "To hell with it!" (this time in the voice of an old Canadian man) and forget about my desires because of the difficulty I would have to endure. It is from this pattern of thought that ...

I laugh the hardest at jokes that are intended to offend. A comedian doing a good accent is funny. Russell Peters has a great Chinese accent. But undoubtedly, his jokes are stereotypical. Some people don't like stereotypical jokes that target certain cultural or demographics. Protestors expressed their condemnation of Dave Chappelle because his jokes about a protected minority offended them. The most common rationale for criticising a comedian's stereotypical joke is that the telling of the joke was a mere guise to mask the joke teller's ulterior motive to push a twisted or bigoted belief. (I hate the word "bigot" because I think it is too often weaponized unjustifiably and incorrectly in order to denigrate some person or group. But I think it's appropriate here.) While I suppose jokes can be motivated by a desire to bring harm to those they surround, I feel that when told right, a joke is not intended to hurt but purely to make others laugh. Has there ever be...

Is it a good idea to invest the minimal possible effort possible into one's daily life activities? The polar opposite of this would be to put oneself through maximal discipline. The difference is mostly in the attitude a hypothetical person would take in starting their day. Should they be "unrelentingly driven" or should they be "lazy but responsible"? The "unrelentingly driven" person would wake up in the morning, teeth clenched, unwilling to waste time, ready to suffer in order to get their work done. If a part of them resists the work, they will tyrannically suppress that idea and force themselves to get the work done. On the other hand, the "lazy but responsible" person would wake up in the morning not looking forward to work but planning to finish the "bare minimum" they must in order to stick to their goals. Now, let's assume that each of two identical people is assigned one of these two attitudes and instructed to live th...

Rangoli/mandala designs are very aesthetically pleasing. I'm thinking of drawing or painting one, though probably a simple one since a) I probably can't manage to create a complex design in a reasonable amount of time b) I appreciate the simple designs more, for some reason. Here are some lovely ones I found online:

I've begun to pay much more attention to my dreams, particularly after reading Jung's Memories, Dreams, and Reflections , an autobiography which seemed peculiarly organized for an autobiography--it was non-sequential, and Jung omitted events in his life that one would think to be significant, such as the time he got married and when he had children. Frankly, the content in his book was so material dense that I'm sure a large portion of the ideas contained within it must have went over my head. But, I'd say that the part I enjoyed the most were the recollections of his dreams. I still remember many of the dreams and visions he recounted in his book, such as the dream of the ominous, dark figure of Jesus that he encountered underground in a childhood vision, and the vision of desecration of the cathedral, and the repeated dream he had about discovering different floors of a house. Jung's writing portrays him as a very odd person who has weird thoughts and encounters a...

 I have less than 8 minutes to write this post. My internet will go out at 10pm sharp. I've been thinking a bit about the idea of storytelling as a means of representing oneself and "simulating", as Peterson puts it, the outcomes of different scenarios that one may try. One example that jumps out at me is Levin from Anna Karenina , whose name is derived from the author Tolstoy's first name Leo. Compared to last year, I think one change in my planning habits is that I've become more conservative with regard to my willingness to take on new commitments. About a year ago, I took on many responsibilities (some more compelling than others) and thought I could shoulder them all. But I don't think I could pay attention to each responsibility adequately. To illustrate my point, I'll compare my lifestyle during summertime and during the schoolyear. In both times of year, I have work to finish. But it's no doubt that work that presents itself during the schoolye...

I have a strong drive within myself to make sure that I have a meaningful summer. I think that meaning must be created if it does not come on its own. I've been fortunate to have encountered this sense of meaning in past summers. To create meaning, I have to start by imagining the type of person I would like to be and to remember how much better I could be if I became that type of person. I have to raise my own standards and make a plan toward elevating myself. I must subdue one's internal urges to break from discipline and endure difficulty. For the past few weeks, I've been setting an ideal about what a meaningful summer would look like for me. That meant a summer in which I would not feel guilty at having not worked enough. (It's a terrible feeling to regret my summer choices right when fall is around the corner.) I started by making a small number of goals for myself. For the next ten weeks, I set daily goals of: 1) Spending a minimum of 5 hours on my research proje...

I hesitated a bit before starting to write about this topic because it was a bit uncomfortable, but I ultimately saw no rational reason not to write about it. The interaction of Levin and his brother Nicholas during Nicholas's dying moments in Anna Karenina  was, I think, a crucial one because it reshaped Levin's spiritual attitudes towards the ending of one's life. The motif of death is a salient one throughout the novel, and many characters come into contact with the idea (Levin, Nikolas, Anna, Vronsky). I'm not quite sure what the meaning behind the Nicholas's slow expiration (to use mild terminology) was. But, it was a dramatic one, as can be expected from the narrator describing a moment of heightened emotional state for the characters. Nicholas suffered for a long time and wished himself for his inevitable death to come quickly in his most agonizing moments. The fluctuations in his health and the hope other characters such as Levin and Kitty had that he might ...

 Anna's decision to go to Italy saddens me tremendously. It saddened me to see her willingly give into pernicious temptation at the cusp of her recovery. She had fought hard to repent and overcome her unhealthy addiction of meeting with Vronsky but let that go. She had shamed herself too much and could hardly even forgive herself; she had even come to believe that she herself was bad. Ultimately, she made a decision she knew to be wrong; by going with Vronsky, she certainly evaded her suffering but replaced it in its stead with empty pleasure and frivolties. She knew that her life would have no meaning without her son, and yet she forsakes him. So sad, but so relatable. By contrast, the intimacy between Levin and Kitty is so pleasant and euphonious. Both of them endured tremendous suffering just to achieve closeness and marriage. When I read the moments the two shared before their marriage, I felt that Tolstoy presented their relationship in such a dramatic and awe-inspring manner ...

 It's been a terribly long time since the last time I've written a blog post. This week has been a lot less stressful for me. I can't say this for sure, but I suspect that my decision to remain proactive played a large positive role. Yesterday, I finished the Physics homework due tonight, which I likely would have otherwise been doing now. Must less stress. Ah. I also began studying for my Physics midterm this Friday early, and have finishing up tasks ahead of their deadline. I feel on top of my day now, as cliche as that sounds. I don't feel as if I'm drowning in work. There's something ignoble about procrastination and noble about proactivity. If I'm rushing to get an assignment done at the last minute, I regret not doing it earlier. I hardly even enjoy the process of doing the assignment. Conversely, when I get things done early, I can leave them as a gift to my future self. I often forget about doing it, but upon remembering what it would be like doing t...

 I feel very confused at the end of the day today. I met all of my expectations for today, except that of exercise. Put in a good day of work: finished physics homework, took cs and physics textbook notes, watched my cs lecture. I practiced the piano. I ate well. I'm writing this blog post now. I succeeded to a large degree at the goals I've been working on for the past couple of weeks: waking early and limiting my chess. Something feels incomplete still. Maybe it's that I didn't go for a run today. Maybe it's that I didn't work enough. Maybe it's that I didn't wake early enough. Maybe I took too long of a break at 9pm. Maybe it's that I didn't restrain myself enough. Maybe it's that I had too much fun. Maybe it's that I'm so overwhelmed by my experiences. I don't know what. I had a strange dream on Sunday morning, three nights ago. I only remember 3 snippets of the dream of about 1-2 seconds. Maybe there was more to the dream, bu...

There was an interesting part of Anna Karenina that stood out to me-- the part where Levin goes out to mow the grass with the peasants. He found the work painful at first, but felt as though the work alleviated a burden from him. He enjoyed the moments when he forgot about the pain of the mowing and the difficulty of using the scythe and became lost in his work. Tolstoy alludes to some sort of external force pushing Levin up the hill when he would not have been able to climb on his own. I don't know whether Tolstoy was a religious person, but the experience that Levin puts himself through out with the peasants reminds me of the archetypal journey of suffering and sacrifice that is depicted differently throughout religions--Christ in Christianity, Buddha in Buddhism, Ram during his exile in Ramayana. There seems to something very fundamental to human meaning that emerges from sacrifice and persistence through suffering sustained over a long period of time. For that reason, Levin is ...

I tried thinking of reflective, substantive topics, but found it tough to think of any interesting thoughts I've had lately. So, I'll just write about my day. (Aside: I think talking about my day is a good way to be reflective. After writing the remainder of this section, I've remembered many thoughts I felt throughout the day. I feel a sense of gratitude for the schedule and lifestyle I can afford to keep up. Today was a fun day, and not an especially busy one; I primarily spent my working time in preparation for a CS35L midterm I had. For some reason, I felt at ease even when preparing for and taking the midterm.) Today (May 4), I woke up at 7:30 and spent some time before 1pm (7:45-9:00, 9:30-10:30, 12:40-1:00) preparing for my CS35L Midterm. 1pm-2pm I sat through and took notes on a Physics lecture. 2pm I took the midterm, which was difficult as expected. I'm happy to at least have finished, since it was not expected for us to get through all of the questions. I enj...

 I feel absolutely swamped with work. Up about chest high. I'm proud to have sacrificed some things today in pursuit of school, which I consider one of my highest priorities. I sacrificed my daily game(s) of chess. At the same time, though I have a bunch of things to get done at any given time of day, I still enjoy breaks, though achieving this balance is a constant struggle. I fear not taking enough breaks, because then I just stop working immediately after I finish a large chunk of work. Either I become burned out, or feel justified in taking a large amount of time off. I certainly feel privileged to have a good amount of reasonably engaging work on my list. It's better than being left empty-handed on a raft floating in the middle of the ocean. That's for sure. It's also a good deal better than spending one's time devoid of social interaction or a variety of activities, as one becomes in solitary confinement. I am absolutely grateful not to be in solitary confinem...

Nobody has the power to attack a good comedian. This is the thought that came to my mind, and I want to find out whether it is true or not. Comedy is the heart of truth. Unlike almost any other job, the success of one's performance in comedy cannot be faked. The audience poses a judgement, and a brutal one at that. They either give you their approval or they don't. If they don't approve, it can cut one right to the core. The person blushes and feels red-hot embarrassed in front of a crowd. That kind of comedian failed at their attempt at gaining the respect and admiration, or at least commisseration, of the crowd. After all, that's what a good comedian does, right? If he wants to make people laugh, he must make them feel at ease, and make himself feel understood in the minds of his audience. A good comedian has the audience in hysterics. That only happens when they have captured the attention of the audience. Thus due to the high degree of honesty present in comedy, a g...

Before beginning to write, I thought for three minutes about what to write. Having not generated any tenable ideas for this post, I looked to the present and thought I'd write about my life as it is.  Today is Friday night, so I've been thinking ahead to my day tomorrow, Saturday. I've noticed a pattern--that my Saturdays tend to be full of procrastination. It's not that I decide to write the day off and take a break; it's worse. I set goals for myself that I am unable to fulfill. For example, I might decide to get through my physics homework that day, but never get it done. It's a dirty habit that spoils the mood. It's not that easy either to write the day off, strange as that seems. I seem to be inevitably drawn to my computer, and to want to entertain myself, such as by watching YouTube. I find that there's something relaxing and salutary even in intentional relaxation, such as deciding to sit outside and read a book. There's nothing particularly ...

 I don't know whether Tolstoy was influenced by religious ideas when he wrote Anna Karenina , but there seems to be a connection between the fate and decisions of Anna and the fate and decisions of man when the devil visits him. They say that when devil visits man, all reason and logic are thrown out the window. The devil presents man an ideal scenario, a life that is too good to be true. And it often is too good to be true. Anna falls in love with Vronsky (which is somewhat disturbing, to be frank). She apparently forgets about her son, whom at one point she could not bear to be away from. Her husband, who was perfectly fine, now seems "ugly". The part of the story involving Anna being persuaded by her husband mirrors the interactions of Pinnocio and the cricket. Pinnochio can pretend to believe that what the cricket says is not true. The puppet has power over the cricket, and can crush the salutary, but bitter chirps of the cricket if he wishes. He does so, and closes h...

 There's something incredibly positive about reinforcing one's positive behaviors. Today, I'm happy to say that unlike yesterday, I properly disciplined myself during the day and adhered to my goals. Yesterday, I had failed to do so, and spent much of my time playing chess, more than I had planned to allow myself to play. That night, I felt bad about not following my goal and regretted my decision. There's so much temptation that goes into breaking a bad habit. I'm in the middle of listening a podcast between Russell Brand and Peterson (I started a couple days ago, haven't yet finished). Brand was describing his experience escaping from his adolescent addictions, which, admittedly, seem much more severe than mine currently.  Nonetheless, one of his observations during that time in his life, one that was pivotal to his recovery, was the idea that it was not an impossibility for him to be apart from the temptations he had made the mistake of succumbing to earlier,...

 Since I've told myself I'll write every day, it probably won't be a good idea to skip today, even though I have little that comes to mind easily. Today, I made a mistake and disappointed myself. But I don't want to talk about that. I'll talk about something a bit more interesting. The idea of "hacking" has a strange appeal to the mind. Simply being forbidden to do something generates an interest in that thing and an urge to do it. Restrictions that complicate an otherwise simple task are only part of the reason that hacking is appealing. Reverse engineering, such as attempting to understand the internals of an executable by dumping the assembly code from an ELF executable or reading the ROM of a video game cartridge, is certainly not intended for the end user of the product and even sometimes illegal (for example, it's illegal to reverse engineer Word). But, the prospect of being sneaky and nonetheless finding out some information that was supposed to...

Goal 1: Limit the amount of online chess I play. Why is playing too much chess a problem for me? When I play too much online chess, I derive a high amount of pleasure from playing rapid games. If I play without restriction, it becomes difficult to stop playing once I've started. I tend to divert my attention away from more important priorities, such as homework or school lectures. How will I know whether I've achieved this goal?  I will have played <= 45 minutes per day for at least 27 out of the next 30 days. What will happen if I don't achieve this goal? When I feel the urge to keep playing past 45 minutes, how can I stop myself? This is difficult. I know that continuing to play will give me pleasure. But I also know that there is a sense of lingering dissatisfaction that ensues later that day, which makes me feel shameful and makes me regret not having spent the time instead on more productive tasks. The latter feeling is wiser, realer, and longer lasting. I've f...

Is it possible to dislike a stand-up comedian? I suppose so. But if too many people dislike a stand-up, they would no longer be a successful comedian. But, I think it is so hard to shame a stand-up comedian or to break them in an interview. The character of a comic has to come across as genuine for them to be good at their job. They have to be someone one can relate to. But what has fascinated me the most today as I watched videos of several comedians (Russell Peters, Chris D'elia, Kevin Hart, Joe Rogan) is that they are almost always dominant in a social setting, particularly in interviews. The comics have a voice that one always wants to listen to, and they know that. They have the power to laugh at a question or to redirect any heat from an interviewer back at them. They sometimes straight up "roast" the interviewer. Interestingly enough, this seems to be a trait that popular politicians possess. The one that most readily comes to mind is Obama. I get that his involvem...

I think it's fair to say that communist ideas and economic systems have played a large role in shaping the past. I thought I would share a couple of ideas I had. Communism detracts from individual sovereignty. By minimizing the impact of class or hierarchy divisions in society, a goal inherent to communism. Because people are not masters of their own creations in a communist society, their individual contributions become drowned out. As far as I know, at the individual level, whether individuals work or not plays a small role in the outcome of the state as well as their personal life. Because they cannot reap the fruit of their own labor for themselves, they lose internal motivation of working. When I think about why I undertake goals of any kind, ranging from going out for a run to practicing the piano, the primary factor that drives me is either the reward or lack of punishment. If I can attain something real, something tangible or emotional as a consequence of working, or if I w...

I've often imagined waking up floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Nothing to see but ocean miles around. I don't know where I am, and if the fishies below me know, then they couldn't tell me. Days would go by. Months. I would suffer. There would be no continuity from my past life. What happened to the bed I was sleeping on? What about my family and friends? The scary part is--there would be no one to answer my questions. How would I get food and water? How would I even live? I would hardly even know the answer to that question. I would be entirely disconnected from all sources of comfort. No one around me to comfort me or to keep me from going mad. No one would know where I've gone, or where even to come looking for me. No one but the unchanging pale blue sky, the one reminder that I am still on Earth. What would I do on the raft? What would I do in such a situation? How would I sustain myself? I would be forced to live like a monk. I certainly hope to have a...

 Nicholas Levin in Anna Karenina is a character that caught my attention, when I read the first description of him that appeared in the novel. His character is the type to elicit pity. He tried hard once in life, by setting his aim on a lofty goal, by sacrificing earthly pleasures, by dedicating himself to becoming a monk. But others ridiculed him. He lost his ambition, and turned to alcohol and other base pleasures that he knows to be wrong. Nicholas's brother Levin (ugh these names are so confusing, I mean the Levin who loves Kitty) even feels sorry for his brother, and regrets having ever laughed at Nicholas. Nicholas reminds me a lot of the type of person that Jordan Peterson tells you not to be. Brooding. Resentful. Convinced that the world is against them. Fearing death. Wandering aimlessly. And, worst of all, resenting the world and oneself beyond forgiveness. I wish Nicholas would have gotten back and tried up again. And fallen again. And stood up and tried again. Nicholas...

It's a bit tough to come up with serious topics to write about on days when I haven't prepared such topics beforehand. Today is one of those days. So, I thought I'd write about a bit more specific and lighthearted topic. 5 Reasons to Groom Oneself. Showering. Moisturizing. Getting a haircut. Clipping one's nails. Wearing cleaned and ironed clothes. Wearing fresh socks. Putting on deodorant. Combing one's hair. Make a good impression. Improve the way others perceive you. Dress respectably. Dress like a gentleman. People want to be closer to you. It's easier to be near something that smells good and looks good. Feeling fresh. It's easier to convince oneself of one's proactivity and readiness to do the day's work. You stay clean. It's better than staying ... not clean. You may act in a more orderly way. I think feeling tidy rather than unkempt helps to negotiate with oneself and act with more purpose. PS I'm currently reading Anna Karenina (~75 ...

Today, I went on an adventure. I went on a walk with my brother to a place I've never walked alone. We walked through a foreign neighborhood, behind a newspaper office, beside a freight railroad track, across a plot of open land, and we ran through the indoor parking garage of our closed library. The journey was thrilling. Our journey What made our adventure even more thrilling to me, beside the abundance of new places we visited, is the independence I felt. Surprising that I've hardly walked on the stretch of land that leads parallel to the railroad track from behind the newspaper office, leading all the way to the Great Mall, though this exciting place is so close to where I live, less than a block away. My 20-minute rebellious journey with my brother today made me remember other "adventurous" places on Main Street, where I live. The first I have mentioned, a roughly 5000 square meter open piece of land in front of a railroad track nestled between the library and Mi...

Typically, when I come across text or speech that makes me feel uncomfortable, angry, or that makes me think something along the lines of "This is so utterly wrong and foolish, it's ridiculous." It's not infrequently that I become provoked by some ideas or expression, sometimes after listening to something on the radio or reading something on the news. I read  this article  this morning, and it provoked a strong negative reaction within me. I found myself disagreeing with the statements, but also . I want to try to rationalize my reaction, and attempt to understand why I not only disagree but vehemently oppose the content of that article. Before I start, I must ask myself why I am going to start picking on this article. For some reason, what is mentioned in that article matters to me. Perhaps it comes from interactions with my peers and understanding others' belief systems. If my best friend or close family member were to adopt such a belief structure as outlined ...

People express themselves creatively through art. Strokes of a paintbrush on a canvas. Graphite streaking across paper. Unconscious feelings and emotions can manifest themselves subliminally, unconsciously. Some works of art are interpreted differently from person to person. But nonetheless, there is a certain degree of objectivity when it comes to the beauty of art. It's tough to make the argument that a three year old's preschool self-portrait is more aesthetically pleasing than the Sistine Chapel, for example. And there's no dearth of capable artists in this world, either. There are artists who can draw or paint so realistically that they capture the essence of a scene or a moment, together with its full range of emotion. I recently listened to a podcast of Juliette Fogra, the illustrator of Dr. Peterson's second book. I found her illustrations impressive. Not brilliant or outlook-changing, but nevertheless enough for me to admire her work and her skillset. Hyperreal...

At the time of writing this, I've read (and have been fascinated) by three of John Steinbeck's novels (/ novella)-- Of Mice and Men , East of Eden , and The Grapes of Wrath . After reading these three, and reflecting a bit, I've come to admire Steinbeck's ability to relate the difficulties of human life, and the depths of human life through a touching tale. For example, the journey of Tom Joad with his family along the perilous and taxing route westward was not devoid of its fair share of misery and commentary on the brutal malice of life, from the dearth of food and deaths of family members to the lack of motivation and alcoholism that ensues along the way. Uncle John's alcoholism, Rosasharn's baby's death, Tom's brother's abandonment of the family, and the uncertainty of even the preacher, who typically is a sure sign of purity, hope, and faith. The plight of George and Lennie is no bed of roses either. George's life is rife with difficult deci...