What is the proper attitude towards work? Pt. 2

I've been having a thought lately regarding what my proper attitude towards work ought to be. I thought I would express it here.

When I think of my long-term goals, I have faith that they might be pretty lofty. If I work hard, I believe that I can be accepted into and study at a reputed institution or get a good job. And I start to fantasize about how great my life would be if I actually did work hard and reach that goal. I think to myself (in the voice I imagine an old English lady might use while sipping on her tea) "Why, how lovely that would be!"

But then I think about how low I am right now compared to where I want to be. Then I am shrouded by a feeling of worry and insecurity. If I continue to be surrounded in this feeling, a part of myself is disheartened and wishes to say "To hell with it!" (this time in the voice of an old Canadian man) and forget about my desires because of the difficulty I would have to endure.

It is from this pattern of thought that I had an idea about approaching these types of beautiful, yet very difficult goals. A YouTuber, Spencer Brown from "The Athlete Special", I follow says "Trust the process" (I realize after writing this how absurd it might seem for me to be taking inspiration from a relatively small YouTuber, who himself is struggling, though he honestly and virtuously admits his struggle. I get sidetracked while writing way too much. Anyway...)

The idea I had was the following attitude: First, I admit to myself that a part of myself wishes to be lazy. Then, I succumb to that laziness, but only partly so. I ask myself at that moment how badly I desire the goal I am working towards. Knowing I can't expect too much from myself, I commit to finishing a small task.

I think this attitude can prevent demotivation and burnout. But it too has its limits. For example, I think it ought to be used only in combination with continuous reflection and reminders of the inherent beauty of the goal being sought after. As I am reminded lately by the challenging lab task I am working to complete, drudgery is often inevitable. Also, I didn't go running today and have as of late been rather lax with regards to enforcing my desired habit of daily exercise.

I take a disliking towards those who talk about like and challenges of daily life as though they are trivial. These types of people, in my opinion, overvalue their achievements and underappreciate the significance of the pain they once inevitably experienced. Thus, they trivialize and oversimplify life. I feel that the challenges of day-to-day life cannot.

There are many things I wish to do and stop doing: this is because when I do desire these things, I am motivated by a desire to achieve beauty and order and to escape disorder and ugliness. (See the chiasmatic word order I used? My English teacher would be proud. Or maybe not. I don't know.) And I think this feeling of order and disorder is baked into every single living being at least to a small degree because we have biological urges. It feels good to eat when hungry, to sleep when tired, and to share good friendships. Pain and discomfort are undesirable naturally.

So, when considering what makes certain actions, such as productive work, more meaningful than other actions, such as lazy leisure, is the extent to which these actions enable us to experience the inherent beauty or ugliness of life. Man, I'm out here talking like a philosopher. But why am I talking about life? I am hardly a wise old man. I have difficulty practicing what I preach. I regret many things, though from some perspective they may be viewed as trivial things. And yet, like most people, I have the capacity and privilege of experiencing harmonic beauty in addition to uncomfortable repulsion.