Post0516

I attended a Jeopardy game for computer science for an honor society that I am inducting into. I was able to answer several questions successfully, including some that I learned recently. I knew some answers after reading about ENIAC, the Halting problem, and Ada Lovelace in The Imitation Game. Being able to answer those questions felt rewarding because I was able to apply my knowledge practically, if only through recall on a game associated with testing obscure knowledge.

I accepted my ML internship offer last Saturday. I am most excited to learn what having an office job is like and to visit the office campus if the job is in person. I am most worried about my lab. I wish I had some more conclusive data to report and that I could speed up my turnaround rate for experiments given to me. I also wish I had a clearer high-level perspective about my tasks and experiments so that I could more effectively decide what to spend time on. Lastly, I wish that I would articulate my thoughts better and say "I don't know" in meetings more often, rather than take responsibility for information I cannot substantiate. I am grateful that I am being expected to do something useful in the lab, though I would prefer that I met the expectations of progress.

I am also very confused about whether I should graduate early one year from now (which would require taking a couple of extra courses over the summer or during the next school year) or take an extra year to explore more CS classes, including grad classes, and potentially spending more focused time in the lab in preparation for graduate school. I am most nervous about obtaining solid letters of recommendation, especially since I haven't had many personal interactions with professors within the CS department that could expose my personality, interest, or work ethic.

These days, I often find myself in a state of panic, usually related to thoughts about one of the above causes of nervousness. However, these emotional waves are sporadic and because the goals concerning the thought of which are long-term, these emotional spikes are irrational. I shouldn't be finding myself calm all day and suddenly intensely nervous about my lab right before I sleep. Lately, when I find myself in a state of panic, I try to relax and not act rashly. But I fear nervousness may be building up within me and things cannot continue the way they are going without something dramatic lab. I might be expelled from the lab or the professors might give up on me. I might inadvertently miss an important deadline or opportunity related to graduate school that would hinder a successful application. I might misallocate my time over the summer or fail to realize the tasks I should be dedicating more/less time to. These things bother me and they're not particularly easy things to address.